If you feel like I have gotten a little self helpy lately.. it’s probably because I have. Not because you need it, but because I do. I have been struggling ya’ll. Now don’t get me wrong, I am happy and blessed beyond measure, but I find myself basing my happiness on how other people treat me, and if I think it is fair or not, or if it makes me feel good. And even though I have been a little tardy noticing this in myself, I am beginning to deal with it. Better late than never.
So what does that look like? The first step is to realize that no one really owes you anything. Here is a few practical examples..
I’ve had an overwhelming day with two toddlers and 3 bigs who have been cooped up because of the cold, instead of just launching into a vent fest when hubby walks in and dumping my problem onto him, I am going to stop and consider that he may have had a bad day too, and greet him warmly.
When my mother calls and tells me what all she has done for a sibling, I am not going to focus on that she hasn’t done anything for me. Why should I think that we should all have the exact same treatment; people should be allowed to spend their time as they wish.
It is so easy for me to feel like the victim, but why do I do that? When I really think about it, and if you asked me, I would tell you that I have a wonderful life! I should not be focused on what people don’t do for me, or times I feel like I have been left out or missed out. I defend my own mistakes, but so easily judge people who make mistakes against me. My happiness should not be based on other’s peoples’ behavior. The problem is really more of an identity issue.
I am focusing on my identity not being in my husband, or my kids, but really finding my identity in Christ. It’s hard. It’s counter-cultural, but it really is my true happiness. When I focus on how Christ is love and how I can be loving, I don’t have the bad feelings, the broken relationships. At the moment of the conflict it is challenging, but over the course of time it is so freeing.
It is so very easy to be the judge, it is very hard to die to yourself and put others first. I am not saying that you should just be walked all over, I am just saying.. let’s all extend each other some grace. It can start a chain reaction. When we can show kindness, let’s show kindness.
Mandy, MAMA OF 5 